


Side effects

by Sonnenscheinchen1986



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Making Love, POV First Person, Songfic, the chainsmokers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-06-29 12:32:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19830304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonnenscheinchen1986/pseuds/Sonnenscheinchen1986
Summary: "Occasionally, escaping from the life we’ve build around us. Not the life I hoped for when I started to feel for you so many years ago. But I welcome these small hours of passion and keep them close to my heart, until we meet again."For the J/C Photo Prompt Challenge. Based on photos #27 and #47





	Side effects

**Author's Note:**

> I can’t believe I´m standing in front of your apartment just two hours after I left.  
It is always the same. Seeing the familiar lines of your face and recognizing that your eyes search for mine the whole evening makes me lose my self-control, and I´m bewitched just by your gaze.

Hence why these unfaithful feet of mine are standing in front of your door, again. It’s been a while since our bodies merged into each other, that I listened to the delicious moans that escape your throat while you enjoy every thrust of my length deep inside you. The longing for your touch is unbearable. So, I’m starting to get nervous.  
My trembling hand makes its way to your door and rings the chime.

The moment feels like minutes. Thoughts and memories of the evening are rushing back into my mind. Just a nice come-together for Voyager’s crew that the former captain of our beloved ship is giving every year on the anniversary of our homecoming.  
It’s the third year that this event takes place, and I leave your place with her hand in mine but come back alone. The third time Voyager’s former first officer is standing in front of your apartment at four in the morning. 

Doubts and feelings of guilt are flooding my mind but as always, they are washed away as soon as you open the door. I´m so bad at giving you up.  
Your beautiful auburn hair caress your face; it is a bit longer than it was when we finally got home three years ago. But your smile is still the same. Breathtaking. Mind-blowing. Overwhelming.

You’re still wearing the comfy jeans and casual long black shirt you had when I arrived earlier that evening. But the look in your eyes has changed. It’s wild, strong and self-confident. You got that power over me that makes me helplessly devoted to you.  
It has always been like this and it will always be.

I am already lost when you take my hand and lead me to the living area where we sat just a few hours ago, next to each other, a glass of red wine in my hand, chatting so innocently about nothing in front of everyone.  
No one would ever believe we are more than former colleagues.  
No one would ever think that the passion between us is eating my soul alive, that this man, normally grounded and serene, is craving the touch of the petite woman in front of him so badly it physically hurts.

“I was hoping you would come,” your husky voice whispers, and it sounds like a sweet melody in my ear. Your dark blue eyes look deep into mine as your soft hand touch my cheek tenderly, and my pulse begins to race.  
The moment my lips finally meet yours sets my whole body on fire. I’m not able to stand still anymore. All I want is to touch you, taste you, make you mine.  
And this is exactly what I’m doing, what we always do. 

Occasionally, escaping from the life we’ve build around us. Not the life I hoped for when I started to feel for you so many years ago. But I welcome these small hours of passion and keep them close to my heart, until we meet again.

The fact is I love you. More than I ever loved anyone before.  
And I guess you love me too. But not as much as you love the stars. 

So, you never promised anything. Not onboard Voyager, not when we touched Earth, and not even when I left Starfleet and there were no rank between us anymore. You decided to live your life alone.  
But the side effect to your loneliness will always be me.  
And I know I’m damned forever because the day will never come when I won’t be willing to give you everything you ask for.  
Notwithstanding the sad truth that this is all I will ever get from the woman I truly love, I feel alive for the next hours. And I´m craving for all the bites, the begs, the way you moan in ecstasy again and again until I make you shout out my name with one last thrust and feel your whole body shake around me. This is what I’m living for, and I’d never be able to deny you this pleasure. 

As the bruises fade away from your neck, the first sun rays break through the grey curtains.  
This place feels like I belong here, I love these walls where we can be just who we are. I´m not allowed to call this place home, but deep in my heart I know it is where I always should have been.

The smell of a burned-down candle still lingers in the air. Its scent takes me back when all my senses were focused on your warm and beautiful body pressed against mine, your fragile face in my big hands and our souls laying so bare and free to each other.  
When all I needed was here in my arms, and my heart and whole being felt complete. 

The kisses we share are tender, your hands are in my hair, caressing so gently as if it was the last time they can do so.  
I kiss you goodbye before I get dressed and make my way back to the life I’ve built with another woman. With my head full of memories to get me through these cold nights, until I see you again.

With my wife, I’m not lonely.  
But without YOU in my life, I can’t help but feel lost.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you as always so much Caladeniablue for your high speed beta and BlackVelvet42 for advise me how to handle with AO3 ;) !  
> All the cookies, cakes and sweet chocolate desserts are for you!


End file.
